Virgo: Where did you put your car keys? They are in your hand. Every time you ask, they are in your hand.
Some more fixed horoscopes
Free Will Astrology sometimes has great words to play with. A lot of the time thy also have words I do not find useful. Here is what I did the last month and a half with the words I liked, from the column in the Austin Chronicle.
from Free Will Astrology, week of Oct 31st
Aries: You live away. There was a time when you linked hours and tunnels.
Taurus: It’s urgent that you drive home to yourself as this unusual creature.
Virgo: Our ancestors eat brains. It’s beef. I’m confident that your own brain will be better. Partake in this exotic dish. Take advantage of your intelligence.
Sagittarius: A catharsis: profane language. The second remedy is contained in dance as melancholy.
Capricorn: You are a rake. Return others’ dreams.
From Free Will Astrology, week of November 14:
Aquarius: Offer irresponsible hedonism. Carry out your joy.
yeah, that’s all I got.