One- stand up: Humans have two legs. Don’t walk around on all fours
Two- wear clothes: “Put some clothes on, no one wants to see that thing!” is what humans say to naked humans. REMEMBER: No shirt, no shoes, no service.
Three- buddy up: smaller dogs- stand on top of each other and wear a trench coat. Humans will mistake you for an adult human.
Four- NO FAKE MUSTACHES (unless you are a hairless breed): Seriously, you have hair on your face already. Fake mustaches will make you look silly.
Five- learn to talk: DO NOT say, “Hello, I am a dog.” That will give you away immediately. Some helpful phrases: “I would like a number four with bacon.” “Supersize it.” “more bacon, please”
Two creative exercises done while walking
weird characters I came up with this week that I have no intention in using for anything but would like to keep record of.
1. A three year old girl who wants to be an old woman. she dresses up in a cotton shawl and a cane with an orthopedic grip. She stuffs her grandma’s old Dr. Scholl’s into some flat shoes and carries around a huge purse stuffed with moth balls, Kleenex, loose change and Werther’s Originals.
2. Okay so you know the movie Kickass? This is like that except for a nerdy girl who is way too into magical girl anime and manga. I don’t know how she deals with the transformation sequence. I do know that instead of trying to beat up crime bosses, she just shows up and lectures them on Love and Truth and Justice.
3. Someone is featured on My Strange Addiction for their addiction to watching My Strange Addiction
walking along, I hear one side of a phone conversation. It went something like “… This ain’t New York, this ain’t Vegas, this ain’t Rome, This ain’t Paris…” And I thought, what an inefficient list. There is no end. To wit:
A further list of places This ain’t:
3. Gary, Indiana
5. the bottom of the ocean
6. no disco
7. no country club either
8. the head of a pin
9 a closet to a magical realm
10 a plain old closet
11. the moon
12. the shoe what That Old Woman Who Someone Should’ve Called Social Services On lived in with all them kids
13. grandma’s house
14. a bathtub
15. the produce aisle at HEB
And so on. See what I mean? no end.
(From Rob Brezsney’s “Free Will Astrology: for Oct 17-23” Page 110 of the Austin Chronicle)
Scorpio: Late summer apple tree. A branch. Later, this gravity. Fast the space of him, his omens would be comparable.
Sagittarius: Most birds don’t sing. Somewhere that isn’t this mottled tune, this creature deserves you: human, detached, above your own rough-and-tumble.
Capricorn: Let’s discus the thing you are about without possessing it. Play here.
Aquarius: Remain persistently insoluble. You have made a heart of questions. They replace the lock.
Ares: New York city is home to lost treasure: valuable bits fallen off broken, tweezers and a butter knife, rich pickings, sidewalk cracks and gutters. “The street is mine,” he says.
Gemini: The word at the climax. The catalyst that makes no real sorcery. An incantation authentic to possibility.
Cancer: Modern tradition: “I think I am almost nothing.” He said that is who we want, the heart of our omens.
Leo: You can’t give. You can sort, but that’s nothing. What you want: feel your generosity missing.
Virgo: That one of you will be the rest. Play on the trap. Get tangled up on the cold and unhelpful with their pain.
Libra: Author this realization: things left seed. A caretaker of your other things, you are within yourself. Take anything.